Chosen Families and Lonely Hearts

 

Friendships are magical — like a chosen family we get to create for ourselves.
People we vibe with, who understand us in ways even family sometimes can’t.
We hang out, share secrets, explore the world together… it sounds beautiful, right?

But honestly? I didn’t get to fully experience that.
I learned what friendship meant in school — and somewhere along the way, I unlearned it in college.
Surrounded by all kinds of people, I just couldn’t find a true friend.

Everyone called me their friend —
But honestly, I never felt like one.
It was always, “Can you help with this?” or “Can you take care of that?”
It started to feel less like friendship… and more like I was just ticking things off someone else’s list.

To me, real friendship means being able to show up as your true self — and still being accepted.
No judgment. No pressure. No whispers behind your back.

I tried to be that kind of friend for others.
I checked in. I made sure people felt safe and cared for.
I thought that’s what friendship was — showing up, always.
But somewhere along the way, I lost myself in the process… and no one even noticed.

It was like my presence didn’t matter.
No one checked in on me.
No one asked where I went.
No arguments. No goodbyes. Just silence —
And I realized… maybe I was the only one who truly saw them as friends.

Yes, you fight. Yes, you roll your eyes.
But underneath the silence and cold stares, you know they’ll stand by you.
That’s real friendship.

I’m a Gen Z too, but I still believe friendship is more than tags and stories on social media.
It’s a quiet kind of loyalty.
Where you don’t need ten people — just one who truly listens.

I’ve had people call me their “close friend”.
But none of them were around when I hit my lowest point.
I looked around — and it was just me.

Maybe it’s because I come from a family where late-night parties weren’t allowed.
Maybe I didn’t fit into their Instagram posts — or their idea of a friend group.

I used to think there was something wrong with me.
That maybe I wasn’t “fun” enough, “cool” enough, or “outgoing” enough to be chosen.
But now I know — I was just looking for real in places full of pretend.

Real friendship isn’t performative.
It’s soft. It’s quiet. It’s unspoken.
It’s found in late-night talks that make you feel truly seen.
It’s in the message that says, “I know you’re not okay, but I’m here.”

And if you haven’t found that yet — you will.
It might take time, but it will find you.

So here’s a question for all of us:
If we all agree that social media is fake —
Then why do we let our online friendships feel stronger than our real ones?
Why are we so afraid to be honest, raw, and present in person?

Maybe if we all dropped the filters — not just online, but in real life —
We’d finally see each other… and actually stay.

If you are one like me who haven’t found “FRIEND” yet-

Be your own friend.
Treat yourself with the same care and softness you crave from others.
Hold your own hand, hype yourself up, wipe your own tears — and promise yourself this:

You won’t settle for half-friendships anymore.
You deserve people who love you in full.

Not just when you’re useful.
Not just when you’re smiling.
But also when you’re tired, quiet, and figuring things out.

Because that’s what real love — and real friendship — feels like.

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts — what does friendship mean to you? Share your take in the comments!